If your woman caught you chatting with some other chick on Tinder, let us break it to you: you’re not alone, buddy. In fact, approximately 30% of those who have a Tinder account are actually in a relationship.
What’s more, many men who’ve had long-term partners for several years keep using dating apps in one way or another.
At the same time, your head must be literally crammed with such thoughts as: “Oh, what should I do to make amends and keep our relationship from falling apart?” or “How will I live without her?” So, let’s try to pigeonhole this precarious situation and figure out how you could restore your tarnished reputation, so to speak.
Strategies aimed at saving a struggling relationship
If your woman has already started talking about your Tinder profile openly, pal, you need to take control of the situation as soon as possible. To do so, you can use one of the following solutions.
1. Explain your motives decently
Tell your girlfriend what has made you create a Tinder account or keep an existing one even after the beginning of your relationship. It’s not unlikely that you decided to resort to this dating app out of old habit, due to your excessive curiosity, or because of utter boredom. Meanwhile, you should point out that you weren’t actually looking for something serious when you were performing a Tinder profile search.
During your strained conversation, you need to use good, carefully considered phrases that might have a soothing effect on your woman. For example, you can say, “Yes, I admit that I’ve made a huge mistake. I used the app unknowingly. Of course, it was stupid, and now I can see clearly how much it hurts you. Don’t be cross with me. I’ll do my best to reform.”
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You can also put the whole thing more bluntly: “I screwed up. It was a huge, terrible mistake. I’m so sorry. You’re much more important to me than all the Tinder hookups, one-night stands with no strings attached, and so on.” To boost the effect of your solacing words, don’t just say this phrase —show with your behavior that you’re indescribably sorry, buddy.
If you wonder why it is necessary, the answer is plain and simple: your woman wants to see that you realize how much you’ve hurt her. She also wants to make sure that you’re ready to take full responsibility for your actions.
2. Admit the problem but don’t make excuses
First off, exhale deeply and don’t try to deny anything at all if you’ve already been caught red-handed. Be 100% honest by admitting that your Tinder profile does exist. Don’t make pathetic, hard-to-believe excuses, for instance: “It’s not me. Someone else must be using my picture on Tinder” or “I think that I was hacked.” Unfortunately, it can only make things worse.
Although getting caught on Tinder isn’t the end of the world, it can seriously compromise your relationship, to the point of a full-fledged breakup. If you’re willing to honestly admit a mistake, you should work on yourself. Your ultimate goal is to prove your dedication. It’ll increase your chances of fixing the whole thing, so act quickly and sincerely.
3. Tell your girlfriend that your feelings for her are real
If your woman started questioning your intentions, try to remind her why it is exactly that you chose her. Do all you can to bring back the sweetest memories that both of you cherish. Show your lady that you care for her and she means the world to you. Mention that silly things like a dating profile search will never replace the genuine intimacy and feelings you have.
If she wants to talk, you must get ready to listen to her so that you can help her vent her negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, anguish, emotional pain, etc. Pay maximum attention to whatever she’s saying, but please don’t try to interrupt her. You have to demonstrate to your woman that you do understand what she’s going through at the moment.
4. Delete your Tinder profile right in front of her
This is one of the most impressive methods that you can use to restore your tarnished reputation and regain your woman’s trust. Just pick up your phone, open the app, delete your profile, and uninstall the app in her presence.
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Don’t say that you’ll delete it a bit later because it would sound somewhat dubious and elusive. She has to see with her own eyes that you’re deleting your Tinder account right in front of her at this very moment.
5. Make concessions and try to butter up your woman
If you’ve already messed up and it looks like you’re up the creek, be prepared to right your wrong by soft-soaping your gorgeous lady. For instance, you can offer her a romantic evening in a cozy café or restaurant, a relaxing nature trip, or visiting a theater if she likes drama.
On top of that, it makes sense to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. In other words, you can suggest a sincere, in-depth conversation about how you two see your potential future together.
6. Prove your loyalty
Don’t rush things, fellow. Hastiness will get you nowhere. Give your girlfriend some time to simmer down and see things as they are, without overstating the case, so to say. She must feel how much she would lose should she choose to leave you.
In the meantime, show your lady that you’re actually ready to work on yourself. Instead of using phone calls, try to place a premium on real communication with your better half. Then she’ll forgive you even if she caught you once in the act of checking local Tinder profiles or, suppose, you were performing a Tinder search without registering.
It’s not so hard to guess that once she finds out that you cheated on her, she’ll start doubting your every move. If you want her to perceive you as a loyal boyfriend or at least to recover her trust, you’re obliged to be crystal honest with her.
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For instance, you can provide her with detailed accounts of your daily life, indicating where you were and who you were with today. Aside from that, it makes sense to remove any suspicious contacts on your phone. This approach should work perfectly well because transparency is the key to restoring your woman’s trust.
It would be stupid on your part if you expect her to forgive you overnight or in 5 minutes. You must give her some time to process the situation and make a well-argued decision: move on or stay together with you. However, you shouldn’t disappear from her life completely. Instead, you ought to show that you’re ready to improve yourself as a person and dedicate a lot of your time to working on or fixing various aspects of your deeply cherished relationship.
7. Do something nice for your woman that she’s wanted for a long time
In most cases, a high-priced purse or piece of jewelry won’t help you change the situation. Nevertheless, you can take her to the restaurant that she’s always dreamed of visiting or do something that she’s wanted for a long time, e.g., start redecorating her room according to her wishes.
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Watch our In other words, it mustn’t be just a trinket or some other gift. It’s supposed to be a nice gesture showing your genuine care and attention.
8. Become your woman’s best friend
Prove that you’re more than just her boyfriend or man but someone she can rely on and depend on come what may. Be there for her, listen to each of her caprices, and help her even with the pettiest things.
After all, if you manage to become somebody that she feels safe with, her resentment will gradually subside. Don’t expect instant results, though.
9. Apologize in all honesty
Take full responsibility for your unfaithful behavior. Don’t use short phrases, such as “Sorry” or “I’ll change.” A real apology should prove the fact that you do understand why she was offended and you’re ready to do all you can to fix it.
Each breach of faith or cheating can be processed through its context. Nonetheless, it’s important to understand that, regardless of the context, you chose to satisfy your needs consciously. The underlying reasons, however, usually extend beyond your consciousness.
Still, you were well aware of what you were doing when you were cheating on your woman, for example, when you were performing a dating profile search. If you want to make her come back to you, it’s crucial to take responsibility for this particular case of infidelity. Otherwise, it can only increase the suffering of your disappointed girlfriend.
For starters, you need to apologize from the bottom of your heart and show that you’ve done a good deal of introspective work. You should emphasize with your behavior that even your personality has changed, at least to a certain degree.
When a woman has been hurt, she usually wants her man to recognize the fact that she’s suffering. Bear in mind that under no circumstances should you underestimate her pain. That’s why it’s important to be as sincere as possible.
The content of your speech must witness the genuine respect for what your girlfriend is currently going through. After all, she recently discovered that you were making an attempt to find someone’s dating profile — it’s not so easy to accept, right, fellow?
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Next, you need to listen carefully to the words of your lady. You must be all ears and allow your better half to speak spontaneously, without any kind of censorship on your part. She must get a load off her mind, thereby unburdening herself to the maximum extent possible.
You need to learn from your own mistakes and take new, well-balanced decisions. In so many cases, infidelity is the result of a lack of honest communication between the partners. Hence, you have to be open to each other and reveal everything that was kept secret or hushed up so far.
Chances are high that your woman will take a long time to restore after the discovery of your unfaithful behavior, which might express itself as your attempt to find someone on Tinder.
Sometimes she’ll intentionally bring to the surface the worst moments you two had during your relationship. For instance, the day she caught you updating your dating profile bio. She might also focus on your shortcomings instead of plus points, which will potentially make you some kind of bogeyman in her eyes. Thus, you should stay emotionally strong so as to withstand all the terrible rants of your lady.
10. Start changing for her sake
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to become the perfect man all of a sudden, in the twinkle of an eye. Still, you should emphasize the fact that you have changed because you know how to learn from your mistakes.
For instance, you can mention that you’ve finally gotten rid of your inappropriate penchant for flirting on the side or your inability to appreciate your girlfriend. Point out that you’ll never ever try to find a Tinder profile that matches your kinky preferences or something like that.
You must show that you’ve already started working on yourself and managed to make some progress. If she notices a number of tangible changes in your personality, it’ll give her some food for thought. Maybe she’ll eventually become well-disposed toward you.
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- Don’t make too many excuses so as not to exaggerate the whole thing. Your behavior mustn’t resemble a poorly directed theatrical performance. Otherwise, your lady might suspect that there’s something wrong with you or think that you’re playing some kind of mind games with her. That’s why it’s better to speak to the point and in a calm, reserved manner.
- Give her some time. Even though her initial reaction may be somewhat violent, you must let her cool down so that you two can talk normally after a while.
- Show her that you’re being changed. You must demonstrate to her that you’ve reconsidered various aspects of your behavior in the most transparent fashion. It makes sense to do so in order to prove that you won’t make the same stupid mistakes ever again.
FAQ
What should I do if my woman demands that I provide her with my passwords from all social networks?
Well, you can actually agree with her and allow her to use your passwords to log in to your accounts. However, it can only be considered a temporary measure. Try to explain to your better half that trust is much more important for a healthy relationship than strict surveillance.
Is it worth consulting a psychologist?
If your girlfriend means the world to you and you’re not ready to part with her right now, then yes, it serves as a reasonable approach aimed at restoring your failing relationship.
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An experienced psychologist can help you figure out all the intricacies of this precarious situation, including uncovering the underlying reasons for your checking out the local Tinder profiles. Moreover, he or she will also offer you several efficient ways to win over the heart of your lady again.
What if my woman prefers to stay silent and ignore me?
Relax, pal. In this case, patience is the key. You must give your girlfriend some time to tamp down the ardor caused by the discovery of your Tinder account. After a while, you can text her or give her a call. Bear in mind that all your apologies must come from your heart. It means that you have to be as sincere as possible.
Is it worth accusing her of excessive jealousy?
Definitely not. This kind of behavior can only escalate your conflict and make your already destabilized relationship even more strained.
What if my girlfriend has made her final decision to leave me?
Keep your dignity, fellow, but make it clear that you’re 100% ready to fight for her no matter what!
Can I ask my friends to talk to her?
No. Involving third parties is not a good idea. Your soulmate might consider it a breach of privacy. On top of that, she might think that you’re trying to manipulate her in one way or another.
Can an expensive gift improve the current state of affairs?
It won’t solve the problem per se, but it can serve as proof of your effort. Still, it mustn’t look like you’re trying to bribe your woman. She might not like it at all.
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What happens if I create a Tinder account again?
If you’re actually obsessed with your girlfriend to the point of being unable to say goodbye or farewell to her, you’d better forget about Tinder once and for all. In the reverse situation, you may end up being alone.
Most women find it hard to deal with their men’s infidelity to such a degree that they prefer to end the existing relationship. Nonetheless, that’s not always the case, even if you’ve been using Tinder for quite a while. Sometimes a man is capable of winning over his woman’s heart again no matter what. Don’t forget that trust takes a long time to recover.
At any rate, your chances for success increase if you’re good at introspection and you know how to learn from your own mistakes. So, don’t give up, fellow, and do your best to get your girlfriend back. Even though it won’t be as easy as a piece of cake, the true feelings are worth it. Make no doubt about it, buddy. Good luck!